The Plogax Problem
by Mutt17
Summary: The Doctor takes Amy to planet Plogax. His knack for finding trouble leads them to unravel the secret behind an unfortunately named family of Plogax Defenders.


If, somehow, you were to witness the TARDIS flying ungracefully through time and space, you'd be forgiven for thinking the pilot was an amateur. The way it swayed erratically, twirling and tumbling through time and space was very, very wrong.

But sometimes wrong is more fun. The TARDIS' two occupants seemed to be enjoying themselves, at least. They were laughing as they grabbed on to things around them to avoid falling to the floor, occasionally catching each other's eyes and smiling at their mutual enjoyment.

After a minute or two (on the inside), the TARDIS landed. The Doctor stood at the door and turned to Amy.

"I'm betting… woodland," He said

"Nah, we'll be in a building," Amy said, "Maybe a cellar. Maybe it'll have wine!"

"Unlikely, Humans are the only species that can stand wine."

"What, ever?"

"Yep."

"In the whole of time?"

"In the whole of ever and ever and ever, now let's go."

The Doctor pushed open the door and stepped out, Amy close behind. No less than a step out of the TARDIS, they came face to face with a group of men wielding guns.

The Doctor looked around, noting the trees in the area.

"Trees," he said, raising his hands and looking at Amy, "I win!"

"We have bigger things to worry about," she said.

One of the men from the group stepped forward, unarmed. No one made a move to stop him. He stood in front of The Doctor and Amy and saluted.

"I am the Thirty Fourth defender of Plogax, Captain Querzme Balzac."

Amy sniggered and The Doctor gave her a disapproving look, but could not keep a smile from tugging at the corners of his lips.

"I am The Doctor, Eleventh defender of Earth." He paused. "Also the Tenth. And the Ninth. Eighth…" he trailed off and shook his head. "All of them, really."

All eyes turned expectantly to Amy.

"I'm Amy… The Doctor's Lovely Assistant."

The Doctor raised and eyebrow. Amy raised one back.

"What, I'm not lovely?"

"I didn't say anything!"

"I saw your expression."

"I didn't mean it, you're lovely."

"Really?"

"Yes, always!"

Amy nodded, satisfied, and turned back to face the Captain.

"Like I said, Lovely Assistant."

Captain Balzac ordered the rest of the group to lower their guns.

"I see, a pleasure to meet you both. Please, follow me." He turned and started to walk away. The Doctor and Amy followed him.

"Awfully trusting, aren't they?" Amy said.

"Plogians hold a defender of planets in the highest regard," The Doctor explained, "To pretend you are one is a great crime, punishable by execution."

"Oh," said Amy. "Yay."

"Don't worry, I'm Earth's defender."

"Really?"

"Well, not officially," The Doctor shrugged, "But good enough."

As they walked, the forest around them got thinner and thinner, and before long the trees were replaced by bricks. As they were ascending a flight of stairs, a thought struck Amy.

"Excuse me, Captain Balls- Balzac."

The captain stopped and turned.

"Yes?"

"Where are we?"

"The Ministry of Defence." He said. "We have just left the Training area."

Amy began to smile.

"So we're in a building?"

"Yes, we are."

The captain led The Doctor and Amy up the stairs and stopped at a large metal door. He knocked a simple rhythm then stood, hands clasped behind his back. After a few seconds the door swung open. A guard stood on each side of it and bowed as they emerged into a long hallway. As they walked, Amy stared at The Doctor and smiled.

"What?" The Doctor asked eventually.

"You owe me a tenner." Amy said.

The Doctor stopped walking and sighed, turning to Amy.

"I don't"

"You so do."

"I said woodland and we were in woodland." The Doctor said.

"Woodland which is in a building." Amy argued. "And we were in a cellar!"

"Training area." The Doctor corrected her.

"Which was in the cellar."

The Doctor opened his mouth to reply until he noticed Captain Balzac was watching them, a smile on his face.

"You two make an odd team."

The Doctor smiled widely and patted Amy on the back.

"Yeah, but we're a good team."

"The best." Amy added, mimicking his smile.

"I should like to see you in action, but first I must introduce you to the ministers."

They continued walking in silence, their footsteps echoing across the empty hallway. At the end they reached a high wooden door. An intricate pattern of vines was carved around the edges and in the centre there was a shield, crossed by a sword and gun.

"Emblem of the Plogian Family of Defenders," Captain Balzac explained as they approached.

"The Defenders run in the family?" Amy asked. Captain Balzac puffed his chest out.

"The Balzac family has been defending this planet for Thirty Four decades."

"And you're the Thirty Fourth?" The Doctor asked.

"Yes, each defender runs for ten years, then their son takes their place."

"What if they have a daughter?"

"We never do."

Two guards stood at the door and saluted at Captain Balzac's approach. Captain Balzac returned the salute and told the men to gather the ministers and one of the guards went through the door. After a short wait he returned and, pushing the doors wide open, allowed them entrance.

The Doctor winked at Amy and she grinned in return and, together, they stepped through the doors.


End file.
